oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
