You made me cry and you don't even care
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So vagazzling was a success
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
