Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
