it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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