How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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