wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
