i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
