fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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