Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
