i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
