so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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