get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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