just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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