she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize