And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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