He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
