Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
