Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
