Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
