If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
