dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
