hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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