I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
