do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
