Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
