I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
