Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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