I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize