I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ruined the universe
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