Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
