..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
