I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
