i will never coherently bang her
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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