I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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