Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
