the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
