Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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