Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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