First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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