no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize