To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
