why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
