No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize