She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
