so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
