im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
