I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
