so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
