genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
