We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize