cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
