Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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