My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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