You smell like stripper and shame
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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