FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
