so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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