I met the friendliest cop last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
