I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
