I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
