You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
