Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
