We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
