I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
