I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
