Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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