I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
