I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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