She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize