wakey wakey hands off snakey
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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