You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
