i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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