if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
