are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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