he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
