My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize