Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
