When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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