She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
