I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
